Little Baby Rizzo

There is not a single word that can describe the moment you realize you are going to become a parent: ecstatic, elated, euphoric, afraid, worried, even terrified emotions run rampant the moment that second line appears or the cross becomes visible on the pregnancy test.  Leslie and I literally experienced the full gamut of emotions once we found out we were going to receive the greatest gift in life…a precious baby.

We sat on my bathroom floor for what seemed like a lifetime just staring at one another in silence.  I literally experienced a montage of everything that had happened in my life up to that point and everything I envisioned for my future.  Images of a 'boys' getaway in Las Vegas flashed by…full disclaimer…I've only been to Vegas once and had a decent time but it’s more the idea of a wild weekend without responsibilities or cares…I know an obvious cliché.  But it didn't end there, Leslie and I wanted to visit Paris or possibly move to California.  We are young professionals with means to do so, so you can't fault us for being dreamers.  Maybe I would quit my job and work in Napa learning all there is to know about wine and vineyards…the possibilities were truly endless. Yet as all this is running through my mind as we stare silently at one another, the realization that life's course had forever been altered settled in.  No fantasy weekend getaways, no careless job switching, no more dreaming of what might be…I'm not ashamed to say the selfish me was a little saddened by this.  However, the truth was I am about to become a parent and all that matters now is my child and his/her well-being and happiness.

As quickly as the thoughts of 'what could have been' flew through my head leaving me feeling somewhat depressed, the thoughts of 'what is yet to come' filled my mind and I literally became consumed with overwhelming happiness.  I'm going to be a father to a precious little baby…my little baby that I created.  It's like a wise man once told me, "it's truly a miracle…not a mistake."  Once I accepted this beautiful fact, I started to see how unimportant all the 'what could have been' stuff really was.  What was important now - really the only thing that was important to me now - was family and I had a newfound appreciation for what being a family really meant and an overwhelming appreciation for being a part of my own family.  So instead of wild getaways, I get to look forward to a series of firsts...the first sight of my angel, the first touch of his/her baby soft skin, the first step, the first tooth, the first kiss, the first heartbreak...and I’ll be there every step of the way.  That’s what’s truly irreplaceable.  Not missing out on my wild dreams, but watching my angel grow and his/her dreams come true.

Leslie and I recently flew to the Dominican Republic to celebrate my 30th birthday and to simply relax.  On our flight home we watched the movie 'Crazy Stupid Love.'  I'm not mentioning this because of how dreamy Ryan Gosling may be or how perfectly Steve Carrell plays awkward.  There's a moment in the movie where Steve Carrell says he's been 'Miyagi-ed' by Ryan Gosling referencing the Karate Kid's mentor and his uncanny ability to teach without the subject realizing they're being taught a lesson.  See in that moment I realized that our entire lives up to this point had been one big Miyagi lesson.  Each and every day, our parents instill in us lessons for life.  And although we may not be cognizant of these lessons, they live within us.  How often do you hear, "I'm turning into my mom/dad more and more everyday!"  It's because they've been miyagi-ing us since the day we were born…

So this brings me to the point of this post…I know…finally.  I want to dedicate this post and applaud our parents: Kathleen and Ferdinand as well as Daisy and Esteban.  You see the more overwhelmed and fearful of becoming parents Leslie and I become, the more we realize we've had the best blueprint laid before us already. We were miyagi-ed by the most caring, loving, supportive parents and we are eternally grateful.  If we can be half the parents they are, I will die a satisfied man with a child with a bright future ahead of him/her.  And let's not forget the home starts with the mom…and I don’t know where I personally would be today if it wasn't for the love and support from my mom, Kathleen Marie Ryan.  My mom used to tell me there is nothing stronger in this world than the totally unconditional love of a parent for a child.  Once again, there is not a single word to describe how much I look forward to holding my baby and experiencing this feeling…the unconditional love…that unbreakable bond…the feeling that I will give and do every I possibly can to provide and protect my lil angel. Thank you for making us who we are today.  We love you.

And to my little peanut…even though I haven't met you yet, you are the most important thing in my life.  Mommy and daddy love you more than anything in the world.  Until we meet, I’ll see you in my dreams each and every night.

Love always-

Daddy